I'm not pregnant, I'm just depressed...

I made an appointment with Dr. K and then took all my willpower not to cancel it or be a no-show.  I made it to her couch and the tears started flowing.  After an hour I decided that I both liked and trusted Dr. K and even though she wasn't covered by my insurance (surprise, surprise) I would still like to go back and start seeing her weekly.  She was very accomodating and willing to lower her fee per session a little to help us manage financially.  I began weekly sessions and put myself in her hands.

Within a week or two of seeing Dr. K, I decided to go and talk with one of my rabbis about the fact that my teaching on Saturday mornings seemed to be slacking off.  I didn't want her to think that I was not a dedicated teacher.  When I sat down in her office and she looked me in the eye and asked what was going on, the floodgates opened yet again.  We talked and talked and she was insistent that I see a psychiatrist and be open to meds.  She was instrumental in calling a psych that she trusted and knew and planned to have her call me! I didn't have to pick up the phone and dial the numbers.  She called me at school the next day; I sat in the corner of the atrium and cried as I spoke with Dr. S and filled her in on my feelings and my background.  She agreed that I should make an appointment and I remembered feeling sad to know I would have to wait a week to meet with her.  Seven days seemed like an interminably long time at that point.  Every minute felt like an hour, every hour like a day, and every day like a week.  I was in a constant state of distress and despair.

I waited, and waited until the following week, when I met with Dr. S, gave her all of my history (loved her as well) and we started me on a low dose one medication to help the depression.  We scheduled a follow up appointment for several weeks later.  

I began to think that I would speed up on the road to feeling better... this was in mid-November.

Before I describe some of the therapy techniques that helped (and others that made me laugh - which I guess helped in some strange way) I will let you know of one thing that definitely did not help.  During this time, I met a friend for coffee at a Starbucks in Target.  I was feeling low - and I mean low.  As we are standing there, the barista asks me when I am due?!   That didn't help - although the chocolate I stuffed in my face to counter that comment probably didn't help my cause much either.  They say depression either causes you to gain weight or lose it... guess which is my luck?!  

Off to eat some delicious ice cream that Dan brought me - still eating... more blogging later...