An update from the present…

Although I am trying to track this major depressive episode (can you tell I went to visit the therapist yesterday?) in chronological order,  I want to take a moment to write about how I am doing today.  I spent yesterday busy in my recovery.  Went to my outpatient program from 9-12.  Had an hour of group therapy where I shared my innermost thoughts with my case manager and 7 people who were complete strangers 2 weeks ago, but have become an incredible support group.  Left there to run to a quick coffee with a colleague and friend who has strong family ties to depression and had a heart to heart about my journey and my plan to “out myself” over what I have learned to term that I am “healing from depression.”  I now know I am not a depressed person.  I won’t (or will try my hardest not to) label myself.  I have an illness, a common one, a medical one.  I don’t have to tattoo it on my chest (although that would be quite an interesting thought) or wear a t-shirt proclaiming it, but as of yesterday I am done with the stigma.  I am done hiding, or being ashamed.  I have blue eyes, big boobs, a giant heart and yes - depression (we can’t all be perfect).  I left coffee with my friend, ran to a therapist appointment with Dr. K… then headed to another part of town to visit with friends before heading to two separate 12 Step meetings that are helping me to recover and heal (just FYI - not addiction, just a fact not a judgement).  I again shared in a group setting, in an open discussion with 5 complete strangers.  And somehow my day made me feel stronger and more supported.  I have finished wrestling with the fact that I am not currently working at my profession, but I am working very hard on myself.  After 38 years it is the best gift I could give myself and I am so lucky that I have the best support system of friends, family and colleagues in the world that is allowing me to do this work.  Off for another cup of coffee and back to my day hospital - planning to enjoy and absorb every minute of it!   And the story continues….