Finding a balance...

Had an event yesterday at our cousin's home with amazing food, kids in the pool and lots of family - both immediate and extended.  With the perfect weather it should have been fun and it was - for the most part. But when a relative who is not on Facebook asked me how I was doing and what was new, I found myself at a loss about how to respond.  It didn’t seem the right time and place to head into my new reality, but at the same time my answer seemed to be a huge lie.  I told him that everything was going well (which it is at the moment).  I said that there was nothing new… which wasn’t quite true.  I am not ashamed, and I am more than willing to share, but I don’t always know when or how to start that conversation.  After coming home last night, I thought about this relative and how I really need to talk to him and share, but I am still at that stage where reaching out one on one is difficult.  But I don’t want anyone, especially my family and loved ones, to think I am leaving them out of the loop.  I guess I am still tackling this one day at a time.  Like my house…

This weekend, we actually started our spring (and last few years of winter, spring, summer, fall,...) cleaning.  In therapy I learned that the state of my house often triggers my depression and anxiety, but I find it paralyzing and so I don’t get much done. I am working on cutting myself some slack for my exhaustion and learning to not attempt to do too much at a time.  Saturday afternoon Dan and I tackled the dining room - it’s amazing how much accumulated on the table in there over the past several months.  I hung up some artwork on our walls and then was finished for the day - or so I thought.  My best friend called and showed up to help me tackle part of the den.  

First corner of den tackled... rest of the house to go!

It still has more to go, but I actually feel like we accomplished something.  Today has been dedicated to helping the girls clean their closets and rooms, and I was doing great for a while.  Exhaustion has taken over and I am sitting on the couch, working some on photos I need to edit, and leaving Dan to check in on the girls.  I am working hard to be proud of what we have accomplished this weekend, without taking a constant inventory on what still remains to be done.  Small steps…