"The only way out is through"

The author of this quote luckily doesn’t really matter… I can’t figure out who actually wrote this (and there are multiple variations of it), as among the people it is attributed to on the internet are J.K. Rowling, Robert Frost, Albert Camus, and unknown… but it's important enough to me to restate it again:

“The only way out is through”

There are many things I have been trying to avoid and/or deny since the day I started therapy (or probably the past 30 something years).  I am a master of both denial and avoidance and being non-confrontational.  If I have confronted you on anything - you must be pretty special, because I can probably count the times I have done this on one hand… or possibly less.  But that is going to have to end.  A therapist, a psychoanalyst, two psychiatrists, two institutions, lots of meds, and one counselor later; all, with the exception of the meds, have suggested the same thing to me… and now I’ve finally succumbed.  At least in theory.

I have watched videos, read articles, listened to lectures, participated in groups and can understand (even if I don’t like) some of the stuff going on in my mind and how it got there.  But I am going to have to embrace my fears and hesitations and go for it.  Action, interpersonal as well as internal will have to change in order for me to fully recover.

Never thought I’d be quoting The Real World (yes, the original reality TV show), but this is how I feel it’s going to go down:

“This is the true story…[of] when [Devi] stop[s] being polite... and start[s] getting real…”

...eventually.  So why blog about this now… I’ll say accountability.  It helps me to get my nerves up to tackle the hard parts of this journey.  And lets you know that sometimes it takes multiple people and groups and classes hammering this stuff into your head before you actually listen and are willing to take action.  

And for one more random quote, this one from the lyrics of a Coldplay song, and summing up my experiences to date: “No one said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.”