An early resolution… and one I intend to keep*

It’s all about me…and I don’t believe I am being egotistical.  I am slowly learning (or more probably quickly learning, but slowly accepting) that I am the only thing standing in the way of my recovery at this point.  And that is hard to swallow. And even harder to admit… to myself and to all of you.  

My problem is that I am stubborn, which might be an understatement.  And I have to get out of my own way to heal and learn how to live with both depression and anxiety and still have a (mostly) happy and fulfilling life.  

Last Tuesday, driving home from my treatment program, I finally came to the realization that I can do this (in no small part thanks to my counselor C).  I admitted that I have to do this.  And I will do this.  And I waited 8 days to share this, because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to do it at all.  Imagine my surprise, excitement and some cautious optimism that my meds and therapy and mindset seem to be aligning and I might for the first time in a very long time, see a light at the end of the tunnel.  

Today, celebrating Dan’s and my 15th anniversary, with our children making us a 3 course dinner, and a hole in the ceiling of our bedroom where water has been leaking in for almost a week, I realize that for the moment I am content.  I am able to focus on the positive aspect (we have been married 15 years) and minimize the anxieties, fears and worries (what will our kitchen look like when the girls are done and what/how we will get our roof fixed).  Even a few weeks ago, I would not have been able to cope rationally and healthily; today I am feeling capable.  And that feels great.  

Dessert was served first... a preview!  It was delicious!

So instead of waiting until January 1st to start changing, I am happy to report that December 22nd was a great day for me to recalibrate my thinking and I hope to continue growing and learning in 2016.   

Wishing you all a new year filled with health and happiness!

*Full intention to keep this resolution, but know that if I do falter, I will do my best to challenge myself to keep going.