Boundaries, decision-making and assertiveness… looking towards a new me

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but not to many others… I’ve never been very good (big understatement) at being assertive or setting boundaries (with very few exceptions - sorry, honey). And we won’t even touch on how bad I am at decision-making - especially when it comes to choosing a restaurant or movie (although that is just the tip of the iceberg); But that is about to change… or at least that is my hope and desire.  

Some of you will love the new me, but others might be in for a shock.  The first one to experience this new me, has been my counselor, C.  I am taking matters into my own hands, against her advisement.  This is a time sensitive matter and I have done my research and made the decision to go with my gut and be assertive.  And it felt good.  I am sure that at that moment, C was wishing she had not asked me to try to do one assertive thing everyday.

I am also taking the initiative to ask for what I want.  I am tackling hard conversations and relationships, learning that without these skills I will not be able to recover and grow.  This is something that I have hidden from a lot in the past.  Internalizing is easier… stuffing it… suppressing things… they’ve worked for so long… but not really.  I distracted, smiled and kept going, but am figuring out that was not so effective or authentic.

Boundaries are something I used to think of only in terms of sports (not that I play any). But I am learning that I can set them and protect myself and things/people that are important to me.  In the past I know that I have set some, but I wasn’t doing it intentionally or with a specific purpose.  Now I have a new look on how I interact with others.  

I feel a lot like Julia Roberts - when it comes to decision-making.  Let me explain… I feel like her character in The Runaway Bride.  For those of you who remember the movie, she doesn’t know what kind of eggs she likes.  She has to learn that she needs to figure out her own likes and dislikes in order to be happy - and to end up with Richard Gere.  For me, I’ll stick with Dan, and I know I am not a huge fan of eggs, but often I am not certain or decisive about things.  (But when I am, you’ll certainly know it).  I need to start exploring some of my likes and dislikes and realizing that most decisions are not permanent or so important to struggle with them for a long time.  

These are some of the things I am learning in therapy.  I know that they will take practice.  Some of you might end up being my guinea pigs (some of you reading this already have).  Thanks for being a part of my journey - whether in actuality, or just by reading what I have to say and sending me good vibes.

I’m off to be assertive again… this could be empowering and fun (at least for me)!