10 ways to know you are (or more accurately “I am”) in the throes of recovery from mental illness

Thanks K for this image of me!!! 

10. You are better at blinking back the tears when they start to well up at random times and (most of the time) they don’t start rolling down your cheeks.

9. Feelings are conflicted when people invite you to socialize.  You actually want to go and participate in things you used to enjoy, and you are still too exhausted to do much.

8. The percentage of new contacts in your phone of therapists, psychiatrists, and people that you’ve met in treatment is 100.

7. Your desire to show your gratitude and appreciation for those who have stood by your side and spend time with them actually holding conversations that don’t revolve around your feelings increases exponentially.

6. As you are composing a top 10 list like this, you recognize that you shouldn’t be using the word “you” and should be sharing personal experiences with “I.”

5. I recognize when I am choosing not to use skills that I have learned, and try my hardest not to let myself feel guilty about it.  I also acknowledge when I need to take a step back and plan to start using them and hold myself accountable.

4. I am working on being comfortable being proud that I’ve become proud of working 2 full weeks and making it.  In the past I would have found this embarrassing to admit since I felt that this was something that would not be a particular accomplishment.

3. I am a proud alumna of a recovery program, when I have never before referred to myself as such, or attended an alumni event in my entire life.  Had a great time going to dinner with other alumni the other night and then attending a social… and had a great time!

2. Enjoying and being a part of life with family and friends and not feeling as if I am faking the smiles and coming home and collapsing!

1. Writing a blog post that tells the world that I am confident that I am on a path to recovery from a very long, harrowing episode of major depression.  And finally believing that a post on fully recovering is a future possibility.