I want the impossible

There I finally admitted it.  Or maybe I just realized that I want something that doesn’t exist.  I want everyone to treat me as if there is nothing wrong with me (like I don’t have a chronic medical condition (first time allowing these words to apply to me)) AND I want people to understand when I am not able to do everything I may have done in the past in the same way.  In recovery I have learned that my old way of living, working ridiculously and trying to never say “no” to work, friend and family related requests helped contribute to my break down.  If I return to my old habits, then I have a greater chance of relapsing.  And I don’t want that.

How to find a balance and explain it to people?  I have no earthly idea. Unless you could get inside my mind (which I would not recommend) there is no way to understand my thought processes… and even then they are rather confusing.  My desire to be capable of anything and not get overwhelmed with high demands are at major odds with each other.  

Having only been out of daily treatment for a little over a month, I see how easy it is to slide into old habits.  And I am committed to not letting that happen.  When and if I figure out how to handle/explain this to those in my daily life I will share it.  Until then… I will continue to search for the impossible… or improbable!  

At least today I am taking a break for some self-care!  And an alumni event with some friends from Skyland Trail - and plan to bring this up for input.  Reaching out is definitely a step in the right direction.