I might be a permanent member of my own make believe live studio audience

Over the past weekend I had the opportunity to travel with Dan to New York City after he managed to score tickets to a taping of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.  His enthusiasm was slightly contagious (and for those of you keeping track - yes he has won a lot - including me)!  We traded the kids for a place to stay for a few nights and headed up to enjoy fall in NY.  I prepared myself and managed to handle a 3 hour flight delay, a turbulent flight and a 3 am arrival to our destination (with the help of deep breathing, meds, reading, pacing and squeezing Dan’s hand).  Our first day was glorious.  Central Park in the fall with the leaves changing color and beautiful warm weather with just a slight breeze helped make a perfect day… one of the best I’ve had in recent memory and possibly in years.   We visited with friends and family, ate delicious food (and ice cream) and ended the day with a Broadway show.  

Friday was dedicated to going to the taping of the show.  This was Dan’s birthday gift, and although I like Stephen Colbert, I am not the biggest fan of waiting in lines, hanging with a bunch of strangers, being in crowds, “wasting” time I could be spending exploring the city, etc.  But I got my morning walk in with Dan going through Central Park taking photos… and was ready to engage in the moment and enjoy spending time standing along Broadway waiting to find out more about being a member of the studio audience.  

After 2 hours of standing in line our hands were stamped and we were given numbers and an opportunity to leave the sidewalk for an hour to go grab lunch.  We walked to 9th Street and had a wonderful lunch at an Indian restaurant.  We strolled back to our now familiar sidewalk and re-entered the line in the same order (we were numbers 16 & 17 for those of you who are curious).  Forty-five minutes later we were ushered into the lobby of the Ed Sullivan Theater and gathered near the entrance of the studio, standing in lines divided into a maze of stanchions.  Just my luck… being anxious in crowds… that was the day that they were running late and we were standing in the packed lobby for over an hour.  It reminded me of how I sometimes feel in my life - waiting for something to happen - hoping it will be amazing, but uncertain about what to expect.

With a lot of patience, wonderful timing and pure dumb luck, we found ourselves front and center in the audience… Dan was like a little kid he was so excited! As for me, I was already worried about what I would look like if we ended up on TV (I would have personally preferred to be hiding further back) and about the Swedish heavy metal band that I knew was going to be performing (in creepy costumes with extremely loud music that stresses me out).  But I did what I try to always do - suck it up and put on a smile.  

Then the warm-up comedian came out… and taught us how to be a good audience for a live tv show.  We had to laugh harder and louder than we normally would.  We were to be the laugh track for the show.  And since most of us were there because we love the show we were willing to go along with it.  The entire audience practiced cheering, laughing, and screaming “Stephen, Stephen, Stephen.”  A part of me was a little disillusioned by this part.  It was our job to “fake it” or “embellish” what we were experiencing in order to assist in other’s enjoyment (in this case the home audience).  This is where it struck me… I spend a lot of my time doing this to benefit others.  

The stage manager followed the warm-up comedian and stressed the same point.  The audience again practiced and perfected our part in the show.  Our jobs were described and we were given cues to help make the show a success.  

The cameras and stage manager sliding into place just a few feet in front of us created a separation that made it feel like we were on the outside looking in… another feeling I can often relate to with events in my life.  Next, Stephen Colbert came out - dressed like a teenage vampire and we all went wild.  I do believe we would have been loud and screaming even if we hadn’t practiced and been told to, but a part of me was now wondering about that.  The show was wonderful, we laughed, and laughed harder when we were motioned to, and had an enjoyable time.  Dan was so happy and I was happy to have had this experience with him.  

As we were filing out, it dawned on me how I spend a lot of my life the way I spent my day as a front row member of a live studio audience.  There are parts that are authentic, but the lines are blurred.  There was my fear of being noticed rather than blending into the crowd (luckily we were on TV for less than a second) and then pushing myself and/or pretending when I am uncomfortable (just google the band Ghost) because I falsely believe it is the right thing to do.  

Luckily we ended our night with a great New York pizza dinner with my cousin who I love and adore and I was able to spend some time relaxing and talking with him!  Saturday, Dan and I woke up and headed back to Atlanta to spend Halloween with our girls and I am happy to report I was truly authentic with my neighbors I haven’t seen in so long, and left Dan and the girls out enjoying themselves when I was ready to come home!

I think in my dream world I would love to instead become the star of my own show (definitely not televised or even taped, probably only performing in my shower)… not caring about what others think of me, just being real and authentic.  Here’s to working towards the dream!