From Kindergarten to 50 Shades of Gray… there will be a connection

It’s Sunday night and I feel like a Kindergarten student returning to school after the first weekend.  The first week was ok, but after 2 days off, I’ve decided that I don’t want to work that hard and sit in classes over and over again. As a teacher I have seen this a multitude of times, and we know that the feeling passes for 99% percent of these timid, fearful students in a matter of minutes after we separate them from their parent and get them into the building.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) I don’t have carpool and I can’t cling to my mom’s leg tomorrow morning… I have to adult it and drive to my program and put my big girl panties on and show up. I am hoping to do this with little or no tears. It is what it is. Each moment I have to take as it comes, staying in the moment; not jumping to the future or harping on the past. There are so many positives going for it and for me in attending this program with my best effort, courage and patience. I have to stop thinking that this experience will either be the best of my life or one of the worst.

That leads to one of my biggest issues that I am working to conquer - called black-and-white thinking.  I have noticed on several occasions (ok more like very frequently) that the many professionals in my life have rightly accused me of thinking in terms of black or white.  I either love or hate something.  It is either going fabulously or terribly.  I think someone is either a great friend who loves me and supports me or that they can’t stand me and want nothing to do with me.  I have even begun to notice this myself.  It doesn’t mean that I have figured out how to fix this kind of twisted thinking, but it has given me a little laugh in the meantime.  Everyone I’ve talked to about this mentions that there are many shades of gray and very few absolutes in life.  So last Friday, as I was sitting alone in the sunshine with my earbuds in and my music going, I was working on my altered book (yes, again) and came up with the first quote of my own to add to it… and here it is:

At least that's my hope! I'm going to keep trying...