Talk about Tired…

Four long days in 90+ degree weather, lugging my camera, shooting, editing, visiting with friends, watching campers laugh and reunite…

On the third day, I didn’t wake up feeling at all refreshed (even though I was sleeping with my pillow and on a new queen sized bed - amazing for summer camp accomodations).  I showered, grabbed my coffee cup and headed for the dining hall.  After trudging up the gravel covered hillside, I stood in line, filled my coffee cup and proceeded to talk with many staff and campers.  By the end of breakfast I was winded, exhausted and more than a little frustrated.  I began to feel the sinking emotions that signaled that it might be a tough time coming.  I couldn’t let that happen.  I had a job to do, and a very public one at that.  I spent an hour using markers and posterboard to make signs for my photo shoots, something that allowed me time to sit in the art shed alone, but surrounded by others.  It was a perfect solution.  I was working, but not isolated from people.  I pulled it together and spent the late morning and early afternoon shlepping and sweating as I made my way around the grounds of camp taking candid photos of campers at a variety of activities.  

By lunchtime I was sinking fast; one of the nurses commented on how pale I looked and I wasn’t feeling any better than I looked.  In the past I would have pushed on until I hit my breaking point… but now I have learned a little about the importance of self-care.  I took refuge in the house I was staying in and spent the afternoon editing photos from the morning in the cool air-conditioned living room.  Then, something I never would have entertained doing before - I took a break and decided I needed a rest hour (everyone else was doing it).  I opened my current book (I highly recommend The Boys in the Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics, by Daniel James Brown), read a few pages, and promptly fell asleep on the sofa.  It wasn’t until my friends rang the doorbell that I woke up!  I needed that 20 minute nap… and I actually didn’t feel guilty for taking it.  

I struggled through the rest of that day, and had a few great photo sessions, I knew that my patience was short and kept that in mind as i worked. Luckily, my contact at camp was wonderful and easy to work with as we continued shooting into the evening.  I dragged myself back to the house after 9:30 that night to edit photos before climbing into bed - thinking that thank goodness I had taken that nap.  

A better night’s sleep, along with a planned outing to go with another staff member for breakfast and a short excursion into the downtown area near camp, made for a new outlook.  I was still tired, but my positive thoughts were able to take control again.  I made it through the next 30 hours and knowing how my body and mind were drained, I realized that I didn’t need to push any further.  I had taken all the photos required of me, and I knew I would be making two more trips to camp this summer.  After checking in with the senior staff to make sure I had sufficiently completed my work, I set out for home a few hours earlier than anticipated.  This allowed me to drive the 180 miles home before the exhaustion really set in.  

I must say it's a beautiful drive

I stopped for coffee, and headed straight to pick up my younger daughter, with only one restroom stop.  Listening to the second half of the audiobook I had started on my way up helped pass the time (another one I’d recommend - The Art of Racing in the Rain, by Garth Stein).  Wanting nothing more than to take a bath and collapse on my own couch, I instead did the mommy thing and my husband and I took our 8 year old to Build-a-Bear to spend the money she has been earning the past several weeks to buy her very own minion. She did not want to wait a single minute, and even though I was bone-tired I summoned up the energy to go with them (although I did make him drive).  I am so pleased that I went - the excitement on her face was worth it. We then picked up our older daughter and headed for home.  Tired, but happy.

Selfie taken by Bob the Minion, or so I was told

Today a visit to Dr. K helped put my trip in perspective.  She introduced me to HALTS (Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Sad/Sick?). An acronym which I will have to remember, because sometimes these feelings can be confused with depression.  And I think that’s what I was doing on the day I was so tired.  I had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that the depression was coming back and I was slipping down; in reality I was really just exhausted.  I found this to be fabulous news!  Now for a relaxing, restful weekend - one of my first in a very long time… hope everyone else has the same!