After my Come-to-Jesus Moment with the Rabbi*

One week ago I did it. I went and left my job and (possibly temporarily) my profession. Or to be more exact I gave my 8 weeks notice, which is how it sometimes works in the school system. This feels a little less dramatic as I am still going to work every day. I will be finishing out this school year, but not returning next year. I have one last spring break leading into a summer break that will feel like life as usual. In fact, I won’t physically or schedule-ly feel the impact of my decision until early August when so many of my friends head back to their classrooms.  But the emotional implications have begun.

My August view for the past 17 years! 

As excited as I am to begin a new chapter (sort of like a choose-your-own-adventure book, I have no idea where I am headed). The news has trickled out to a good portion of the community in which I teach. I am grateful for all of my colleagues and parents in the community who on one hand, are supportive of me, and on the other hand, communicate their sadness about my leaving.

In the past week, I have teared up more times than I would like to admit, wondering if I made the right decision. And then today, on a rainy Monday, a week before spring break, while doing indoor recess duty, I realized that I definitely did. And not just because of the noise and controlled chaos that indoor recess brings, although I think most teachers would agree that indoor recess is less than pleasant (I’m being nice). I realized that recess duty did not bother me - much. My stress level and anxiety since last Monday have decreased drastically. I don’t think I had ever consciously realized how intense and insecure I have been as a teacher, especially in recent years. And now I am breathing easier. I am not at all worried about losing my job (something that has always been on my mind, whether it was a justifiable worry or not). I am laughing more and taking everything with a grain of salt. I don’t think this would be possible without an end in sight.

Maybe one day I will be calmer, more self-assured, confident, and comfortable in my own skin.  Who knows?  Until then, I think returning to the classroom is not in my best interest. I am learning to accept that fact, embrace the uncertainty of the future, and to express my gratitude that taking this next step is even possible. So thank you to so many of my friends and family for the constant and unending support.

*working title for my unwritten book