An Overload of Emotions

As I sit and reflect on the past days and the coming week I am overcome with so many different, conflicting emotions. I know that even for many people without mental illness this week is going to be tough.

Today I haven’t been able to stop smiling because of how proud I am of my daughter and thankful of so many in  my community for supporting her efforts to raise money and awareness for mental illness (she hosted a Depressed Cake Shop that I’ll eventually write about or link to an article about).

I’m also exhausted, mentally and physically from the amount of socializing I had to do at her event yesterday.

I’m grateful to the number of people that came out in full force to support her and make her event such an amazing success.

I’m disappointed by the response or lack thereof from some people and businesses (although I am working hard to just accept it and let it go).

Temporary tattoo designed by my daughter for her project. So accurate!

I’m embarrassed that I stayed on the couch today (see exhaustion above) and didn’t force myself to take part in any of the million amazing things we could have done as a family to honor the memory of Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’m beyond nauseated and terrified about what is going on in our government. And I think I’m a little bit in denial.  I wish I could say I was cautiously optimistic, but I’m just not feeling it.

I’m feeling inferior that my social anxiety and fears will keep me from participating with so many of my friends in the Women’s marches in Atlanta and Washington.

I’m also proud and supportive of all my friends doing the above.

I’m saddened remembering that this Thursday will mark one year since I lost Dr. Kirby, my former therapist, in a car accident. I think of her often and wonder what she would think of my progress and how she would have been beside me encouraging me along.

I’m overwhelmed by working, parenting, planning a Bat Mitzvah and all of the other things life throws at me as I feel like I go from fire to fire putting them out rather than going through life feeling confident and relaxed (I know that’s a dream, but a girl has to dream, right?)

I’m feeling guilty about the calories I’ve eaten from leftovers from yesterday’s pop-up shop.

I’m embarrassed that if I had more time I could go on and on with all the emotions and feelings in my head, but I’ll feel guilty if I don’t go snuggle my younger daughter before bed.

Going to spend the next few days just breathing… and hoping my mind will quiet down a little in the near future… but one last thought…

I think I forgot to mention how insecure I feel about putting all these honest emotions out there!