Does the Stigma of Mental Illness Prevent Public Prayer?

Mi Shebeirach

May the Source of strength who blessed the ones before us

Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing

and let us say: Amen.

Bless those in need of healing with r’fuah sh’leimah,

the renewal of body, the renewal of spirit,

and let us say: Amen.

The above prayer is recited on behalf of those who are battling physical illnesses during the religious services at my synagogue. Our rabbis ask congregants to stand and call out loud the names of family, friends and loved ones in pain. I think it is one of the most beautiful and meaningful moments when the entire congregation is praying in unison for members in our community.

Last night though I had a different thought. I am currently struggling, and the tears have been coming on more and more. I had a long, meaningful talk with one of my rabbis right before the service (something that always helps me during my struggles) and I couldn’t get my tears under control. So I let them come. And I attended the service anyways. Because for me, I won’t let the stigma keep me from getting the comfort I get from attending and praying with my community. But when it came time for the Mi Shebeirach prayer that I posted above, I felt a bizarre stab of envy. My illness all of a sudden didn’t feel as important or real as those who suffer physically. My “invisible” illness (although my tears are clearly visible) does not even enter the minds of others as in need of the same blessing, healing, compassion and/or strength from the community as those with other illnesses.

And at the same time, I think it would be bizarre to be sitting there with everyone and hearing my name called.  Should the Mi Shebeirach be reserved for those too ill to attend, and in which case those of us with high functioning mental illness would never have anything “serious” enough to be included.

And honestly, do we want to be? I think the answer is yes. It would provide validation of mental illness as a real health issue and, who couldn’t use extra prayer, love and support in a time of need? I know that when I want, or rather need, to be heard one of my internal fights is that no one cares or my issues aren’t important. I am going to guess that I am not the only one who feels that way. For those whose mental illness is still under wraps (definitely not me) having their hebrew names recited during times of struggle would help keep privacy and send more positive thoughts their way.

I think I’ll send this one to my rabbis… although before I get the chance they’ll probably have read it. And I thank them for that!