Depression Sucks - Part III or IV (It sucks so much I can’t remember which chapter this is)

I try to keep my blog posts authentic and also hopefully informative and/or entertaining (insert sarcasm here), but sometimes I forget that I don’t have to put rose-colored glasses on for my readers (and when that happens I often gloss over the tough times). So today I will be extremely, completely, totally real with you.

Last week, after the Depressed Cake Shop success, I slid a long way down. Again. Envision the roller coaster that is climbing up towards the top of a big incline and suddenly slips back down into a valley, slowly rocking back and forth at the bottom. Unfortunately that is where I am now. Thank you depression. And anxiety. You both suck. I hate you and I hate what you do to my emotions and mind. I am looking up from the valley at the steep road ahead to get to the top of the roller coaster and today it seems impossible. I could turn this positive right here to try and give you some crap about knowing how lucky I am people are there to stay by my side during this time. But today I don’t feel like it. I feel like wallowing for a little while. Since I can’t physically stay in my bed and pull the covers up and shut the world out I will just try to put one foot in front of the other and keep my tears to a minimum in public.

OK, I can’t do it. I want to put some hope for others into this post. So I will admit that I am planning to keep going. Listening to my therapist. Visiting my psychiatrist. And sending texts. And trying not to beat myself up for the emotions and tears that are refusing to let up. A good friend reminded me that I have so many more skills to use, and have had time to practice them, since the last time I felt this terrible.

That being said - anxiety still sucks. Depression sucks. And there is nothing fun about mental illness. I’m done for now.