In Gratitude to Skyland Trail

Posting here - but NOT framing and hanging!

Got my "diploma" and gave my graduation speech - considering myself a valedictorian. Now that I am finished with the program I would like to publicly thank the people and treatment center. Here is what I said:

Let me begin with a check-in.  I’m Devi and I am frightened, intimidated and overwhelmed - can you tell I’ve mastered using my feeling wheel?   And one of my favorite quotes at the moment and the one I am going to try to live by from now on is by author Mandy Hale “Just be yourself.  Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical person that you are.” And I would like some time to process my time here at Skyland Trail - so here goes:

Three months ago, the idea of standing up in front of a bunch of strangers talking about a recovery I didn’t think was possible seemed ludicrous and something I wouldn’t do in a million years.  I remember adamantly telling both Courtney and Dr. McDaniel that I would NOT be attending any graduation.  When I first started here, I also made similar statements about lots of different challenges - including having family therapy with my parents, and with my brother, walking the runway in a fashion show, and using assertiveness skills to deal with issues with other people.  I was about as willful and avoidant as they come.  And had been for 30+ years. I am surprised and proud to report that within the past 90 days, I have now done all of the above and I am still standing. How?

Skyland Trail.  The serene, comforting environment with staff and clients that were encouraging and genuine allowed me to take down walls that I thought would be in place forever.  When I arrived,  I didn’t think I had anything of importance share and I was scared of rejection and embarrassment, among other emotions.   The warmth and sensitivity of Skyland Trail’s community allowed me to explore and reveal more of myself than ever before.  If you have been in groups with me you already know that I may have taken this exploration a little too far; suffice it to say, I am now rather vocal.  

Standing up here a few weeks ago to accept the humanitarian award was the most thoughtful experience of which I have ever been the recipient (thanks, M).  I was terrified standing up here and listening to people talk about me, I shook the entire time, and it was incredible to hear such kind words from so many people who just a few months before had been strangers.  Those of you who were here may remember that I mentioned at the time that I don’t speak in front of people; and although I considered saying the same thing today, I felt that this community has given me so much that I wanted to be able to show my gratitude for everyone.  So here I am -  a hopeful and trusting alumna of Skyland Trail - preparing to return to what I think of as the “real world” and preparing to work tirelessly to continue my recovery.  I now know that this is a lifelong journey and today is just a small step towards leading a life worth living.

While I will take and implement many of the skills I learned in core and groups, I don’t think that years from now those are what I will remember when I think of Skyland Trail.  I will think of the smiles, nods, empathetic looks and kind words of the people here and the setting that allowed me to begin to delve into my authentic self.  I never imagined that I’d make such strong connections with so many people and be genuinely sad to be leaving.   Connections with other clients that I have made, with my geriatric group, with those who are young enough to be my children, and many in between will stay with me for a long, long time.  

I have such gratitude and appreciation for so many of the staff and interns with whom I’ve interacted the past 3 months and four of them deserve a special shout out.  These professionals went above and beyond in encouraging and guiding me towards a path of recovery that could work for me - and all four sat with me while I cried - over and over again and empathized with me and made me feel genuinely cared for. Thanks Sarah C, Ethan, Dr. McDaniel and Courtney!

I wouldn’t have even made it here without Dan, my girls, and my entire support system - especially two extremely close friends.  They dragged me, maybe not kicking and screaming, but close -  to another mental health facility and eventually to Skyland Trail when I hit rock bottom and came today to celebrate how far I’ve come.  Thanks,  Ashley and Rachel.  

Instead of saying goodbye, I want to leave you with the words that I am planning to use as I continue -  "Be Strong Enough to Stand Alone, Smart Enough to Know When to  Ask For Help, And Brave Enough to Ask for It." Thanks everyone!