Why Radical Acceptance will NOT be my New Year’s Resolution

Until recently, I believed that New Year’s resolutions were a productive, positive, good for my soul kind of thing. And then I thought of all the one’s that I haven’t kept (which way outnumber the ones that I have) and realize that I am often setting myself for failure. I put pressure on myself every day, I don’t need a new calendar year to help me do that. If I want to seriously start trying to lose weight I could begin today - December 23, 2016. Although I do think my purchase of 4 pints of ice cream earlier this afternoon may have derailed me before I even began. My point is that for some people it may help to begin January 1st with a plan of attack.

When I do that, and reminisce on all my old resolutions that I have broken up with, I get frustrated. And disappointed. And ashamed. My relationship with resolutions is ending now. That doesn’t mean I am going to pick up more bad habits than I already have. It means that I am going to try to make better choices when I can and I won’t beat myself up (or at least try not to) when I fall down. This is all a part of my desire/need to practice and perhaps even embrace “radical acceptance.”

While it might sound easy to some people, the act of radical acceptance, which basically means to acknowledge reality, is something I have always struggled with and now I can readily admit it. I always want things to be the way I imagined or thought they should be. I want to rewrite the endings to stories, experiences, relationships, both my own and of those I care about. If I can learn to use this skill I will be able to move on and problem solve rather than getting myself stuck. I can say “it is what it is” - which is probably one of my least favorite sayings (we can talk about that later if you would like) AND I can know that it is OK if I don’t agree with or like what “it is.” Once I quit struggling so much with myself and all of the negative/sad/anxious/etc. thoughts going through my head a mile a minute, I will hopefully be able to start to heal. I have been working hard to recover, but can honestly say that healing hasn’t really happened. I need to radically accept where I am and focus on all that I have and all the people that are continuing to rally around me and support me and love me while I am still hurting. I have to radically accept that this road may be a long and winding and I need to stay on the path. Speeding to my destination doesn’t seem to be an option and being an impatient person it has frustrated me to no end. So here I am taking a stand, planning to hold myself accountable and to keep starting over whenever I fail and I am going to start today.

And if I decide to start dieting, writing thank you notes, exercising daily, cooking more, stop swearing, etc., etc. on February 23rd or October 7th I will just do it. I will try my hardest to just keep on trying and radically accept if and when I struggle. Why?

The pressure of the upcoming new year has been getting to me. I have been giving myself deadlines that I can’t seem to reach. I really thought that at the start of the school year 2015-2016 I would be all better (yes I was ambitious and not in the least bit realistic). We all know that didn’t happen. Next I set my sights on 2016. Wrong again. Beginning of the school year 2016-2017 - yet again. Uggghhhhh. I can keep disappointing myself, because that seems to be so healthy and productive (happily I can report that my sarcasm is still in tact) OR I can just take it one day at a time. Or even one breath at a time. And radically accept that my journey is my journey. If it takes 5 more years so be it (although I sincerely hope all my loved ones will continue to be patient with me). If it takes longer or shorter I will acknowledge that and I will accept it.

I also plan to radically accept that I may still struggle to get to radical acceptance on this issue and many others. I may talk a good game, but it’s a daily struggle. Another quote I am not so fond of and will still use is “nothing worth having comes easy,” which I don’t always agree with, but in this case will modify to “for me (and many others) peace of mind will only come (hopefully) with extremely hard, time consuming work.”  OK, maybe I see the other one rolls off the tongue a bit easier. So I’ll leave you with… It is what it is.

Wishing everyone a tolerable holiday season (hopefully happy, but if not, hang in there and know that you are not alone. crisis text line - 741741). And if you decide to make a resolution on any day of the year I wish you the best for success. Now onto eating some of that ice cream (see pic below)!