Therapy’s slow yet finally visible moving progress

I’ve now been in therapy for over 2 years. I love being able to talk about my thoughts, feelings, frustrations, life experiences, relationships, etc. with professionals who listen non-judgmentally and offer wise advice. Until recently, most days talking to them and getting some validation helped ground me (learning skills that they assured me would work to help me with many of my uncomfortable emotions was only something I hoped for, with some skepticism). Wow! Yesterday I had a revelation - it might be working… in tiny, wobbling baby steps, but moving forward. Let me explain.

Thursday night and Friday morning of the past week were absolutely, positively some of the crazy, busiest days I’ve had in a long time. It was my school’s art night (and I happen to be one of the art teachers) and the 1st through 4th grade school play, of which I am a part of the team (making costumes, helping with crowd control and backstage). I also taught my regular classes and did my duties during the days. Why am I telling you all of this?  Because I was (and still am) freaking exhausted. Mentally. Physically (boots that are comfortable for 8 hours are not always so comfortable for 14 hours standing on the hard tiled floor). And of course emotionally. And I am proud.

In the past, I discounted the fifty or so compliments I would get from the gallery that my students’ artworks comprised, always saying “it’s not me, I have amazing artists” (or something to that effect). When a single parent complained about the cost of our fundraiser or something else negative or hurtful came into my line of vision, I would ruminate, obsess and let that start to unravel me. Most years something would happen, big or small, and I would end up hurt and disappointed. Well not this year.

This year, although a few things happened at our art show that in the past would have unhinged me, I kept it together. The negative thoughts started sneaking in, and I did voice my disappointments to a few friends and received the validation I needed, but I didn’t stay there. I focused (and am continuing to focus) on all the accolades, compliments, smiles and hugs that came my way in regards to my involvement and love of teaching. A few people even mentioned this blog and their thoughts about it which made me stand a little taller - no, not really, but I can dream, can’t I? It dawned on me - that I used skills (I’m a little embarrassed to share which ones). And I didn’t have to think consciously about using them or text/call for help. And I’ll take whatever I can get… progress is progress, right?!?!