Wanting to be an advocate/Not wanting to be a poster child

Two step forwards, one step back. A fine line. However I slice it I am having trouble and excited by my desire to help eradicate the stigma of mental illness. The feedback I have gotten has been extremely, incredibly positive (for the most part) and about 75% of the time I am certain of my decision and actions. But self-doubt and uncertainty plague me while I am laying in bed, driving my car and at various other times. I am not my mental illness. I am so much more. But sometimes I forget that - and I’m a little afraid as I continue this journey - that others will too.

So now what? After some thought, and using many of the skills I have learned the past few years, I will be working extra hard to learn to live with this dialectic. The positive definitely outweighs the negative in sharing my “story” and trying to advocate for myself and others. So if I have to quiet the voices in my head, and even discount others who may judge my decision, it will be worth it. I hope.  And I will work hard to do more and talk about my teaching, my photography, my parenting, my baking, my reading, and all the other aspects that compose who I am (notice I don’t mention my housekeeping).  When I think of it, I am somewhat well-rounded, I just don’t see other areas of my life as having a negative stigma, or sense of secrecy shrouded over it. I am going to be optimistic and hopeful that one day my sharing will be redundant and unnecessary, because everyone will be open and honest and supportive.  Until then, I’m going to keep putting myself out there. And on days that I second guess myself I will hopefully refer back to this. Or reach out for some validation.