Parenting a tween complicates almost everything

The past few years the emotional rollercoaster in our home has mainly been ridden by me. Until recently. My older daughter turned twelve a little over a month ago and she seems to be taking a tumultuous ride of her own. And even though I am not on her roller coaster, I am turning green watching my girl go through adolescence.

Trying to keep myself and my past/emotions/thoughts separate from what she is going through, while still being there to support her, is more challenging than I could have ever imagined.

More than anything else I want her to suffer/struggle less than I did (preferably she wouldn’t have to hurt at all); however, I am a realist and know that isn’t possible. Hopefully I will be able to alleviate some of the pain and make her feel that she never is alone. My love for her, and her little sister, make everything that happens to them in some respect happen to me as well. Even though many people say that it is important to keep what happens to your child separate from you, the author Elizabeth Stone says it best - in a way that resonates strongly in me: “Making the decision to have a baby is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”  I have felt this way since the day I became a mother. Trying not to project my emotions onto my girls, and allow them to come to their own conclusions, with sound and non-objective guidance, is something I work hard at - and it is not easy!

The past few weeks my therapy sessions have been more about parenting advice and commiseration, and I am happy to say that I am feeling well enough to take the focus off of me - for the moment. I am learning tons about myself, and processing many events from my dreaded middle school years, thanks to my daughter. My goal is not to spend too much time reliving my past and instead use the knowledge and insight I am gaining to assist my girls as they navigate through their lives.

I will leave off there - with just a small mention of the moods, eye rolls, attitude and quick changes that pepper our days. Sometimes she can be the sweet girl I have known and loved for twelve years, and other times I swear her head spins around and some creature has inhabited her body. What she brings to the table (literally, when she comes down to breakfast each morning) definitely influences the tone of my day. And it’s nothing short of complicated and I sometimes have to remind myself that I wouldn’t want it any other way!